Recently, I read about Dads having their own special chairs at home… That set me thinking… Come to think of it, they do… I can remember certain chairs being named Thatha’s chair ( Grandfather’s chair) or Appa’s (Dad’s ) chair… And nobody ever occupying it.

My grandfather had this huge antique chair that seemed straight out of Victorian times ( may be it was... it was made during the British Raj) with heavily padded seats and wings, and legs that curved out-  like those of a lion’s. This was placed before his famous Roll-Top writing desk…for him to majestically occupy while he managed his paperwork or browsed through his treasures...

He also had a permanent seat at the dining table. Though not at the centre, he was the centre of attention, for the rest of us were like planets and satellites orbiting him… All serving started with him…and we’d wait impatiently for our turn… Even on festival days, there were specific seats for the family members. Our dining room in the ancestral home was long and rectangular in shape and plantain leaves would be placed on the floor from one end . Here again, Thatha had a specific place. Next to him would be my Dad, and then my Chithappa ( paternal uncle) and any other visiting relatives. Then came my elder brothers. We, the small fry were invariably seated opposite to the gents where the senior ladies had their allocated space.

This hierarchical seating is something very common in our households, I believe. After marriage, I found that my FIL ( Appa)  had this place at the head of the table that was taboo for others. I don’t think he’d have said, ‘that’s my seat you are in’, but it is taken for granted that no one will dare to occupy his place.

The seating at our dining table in Bhadravathi is rather fixed. Appa occupies one end of the 6 seater. To his left is Amma’s place. Next to her is Appa’s sister’s place. If one analyzes the arrangement, Amma’s place is such that she can pass dishes to the others. The problem is, she gets preoccupied with passing the dishes and doesn’t really enjoy a meal. When I visit, I get to sit to Appa’s right, a place I have to cede to my husband if he’s there… to one of my twins, if they are there… in which case, I sit at the far end, opposite to Appa. So my planetary position is like the Navagrahas… occupying various spaces as and when situation demands. In fact, for breakfast, I may occupy Amma’s or  Athai’s place.

Talking about breakfast, Athai ( paternal aunt) has this habit of sitting against the wall in one corner of the kitchen for her breakfast, especially if it is dosas. Amma or I would serve her dosas straight from the griddle. I have seen my own grandma and ‘buajis’ ( dad’s buajis in fact) sitting in particular nooks and corners of the kitchen for their meals. And each one of us had our own plates. Grandfather had this huge silver plate, my father had his heavy steel one… we all had our own plates decreasing in size in accordance with our age. Even when eating on plantain leaves, bigger blemishless leaves would be spread for the elders, we used to get half  a leaf… no wonder we were messy eaters…. There was hardly space in that half piece of plantain leaf for all those acrobatics of traditional eating.

 Back home, things have changed. Except on special occasions, there is no longer the conventional ‘eating together’. The dining table has become a redundant piece of furniture. Of course, Dad has his breakfast and lunch at it, but hardly anyone bothers to have dinner at the dining table. It has become customary to pile the food onto a plate and sit in front of the TV. But in Bhadravathi, my sasuraal, the old traditions are still carried out. No TV during meals. All the members will eat all meals together….of course, there are exceptions here and there…

It is just not the dining room that has reserved seats. In the living room, there is a sofa that is Appa’s. No one uses it generally. Sometimes my twins or I show the audacity  of occupying it, but the moment Appa enters the living room, we’d vacate it, out of respect for him, though he’d say, ‘It’s okay’. I have this great picture of one of my twins sitting on that chair his hands resting on the arms of the sofa, fingers interlaced, just like his grandfather… A picture that reinforces theories of DNA and family traits!

My Dad also has his chair placed strategically to give him enough light to read the three newspapers and watch TV. Only he has a foot stool, which, if moved by even a tenth of an inch, he’ll come to know. So, even the maids are instructed about the latitudes and longitudes of the positioning of his chair and footstool so that cleaning operations will not upset that particular apple cart.

Here in my own home, RP and BIL sit opposite to each other at the dining table so that they can yak about what’s happening in their respective offices while they eat. I prefer to carry my plate to the sofa where I get more elbow space. I am used to the buffet style of eating now a days… and any formal seating makes me nervous. There is no fixed place for me…

My grandma used to sit on a wooden push back armchair and write ‘sreeramajayam’ in a big ledger. She used to look so majestic, so regal while doing that… All those pieces of furniture have been sold… now wrought iron and ‘brightly shaded matching the carpet’ furniture have taken their place.

Appa keeps saying ‘a place for everything and everything in its place.’ I am sure that is why he will not occupy any other place in the living or dining room. Any way, we won’t have it any different either. Certain things are  reserved for life…

They are a part of my culture, my values and my valuable heritage.